Best Moments

[sarynkitamo]

TTW's been around awhile, yeah? Lots of campaigns, lots of characters. Some played in full view of anyone who wants to watch and some passworded. There's no way anyone could read all of it, so give us a taste!

What was your favorite in-game moment?

[Rellott]

Best Moments

My monk and the fighter were the advance scout for a small wooden fortress and we found one of the guards sleeping, so we decided to kill him quickly so the others could come behind us without risk of waking him and setting off alarms. The fighter got in a good hit, but then my monk rolled a crit and really high on his damage dice. The DM ruled that I decapitated the guard... with my quarterstaff.

[sarynkitamo]

Last session, My fighter/party leader bribed our stupid (despite INT and WIS scores of 15) barbarian with a gold coin so she'd shut up and let me talk/not pull a Leeroy so I could explain my plan to attack the group of cultists/kobolds up ahead... With her own gold.

I'm also the lootmaster.

[Drew]

I don't have any 5th Edition stories. My most memorable stuff is from a long time ago, playing AD&D 2nd Edition.

In one game, the party was confronted by a giant of some kind (can't remember what variety, but was very large - several stories tall). All he wore was this loincloth, and it flapped in the breeze, giving us glimpses of stuff we really didn't want to see. Anyway, the GM let me use called shot with a Magic Missile (the games were pretty loose back then) and you can guess what I aimed for. Down went the giant.

Different game, different giant. This time my character is a barbarian half-vampire. He uses his Gaze attack to convince the giant (might have been a huge ogre, maybe) that there was a large bug crawling around on his face. Ogre takes its spiked club and slams it right into its own face in an attempt to squash the bug that isn't there. He took out a small house as he fell but the villagers were still grateful.

Years later. D20 Modern now. Some creature with thick armor (we never did find out what it was, might have been an original creature the GM made) is giving us a very hard time. I have a larger character than most of the other players. Big guy, very musclebound. Swords aren't cutting deep enough through this thing's armor, and firearm bullets are also being stopped by its many plates. We're not doing any real damage to the thing every round, and it's slowly demolishing us each turn. There's a helicopter in the area, though, and it's blades are spinning nearly fast enough to lift the aircraft off the ground, but it's still currently on the grass. I rush the thing, shoulder-checking it three times over three rounds, doing zero damage to it and taking quite a bit in the process, but I finally get it under the blades. Then, on the fourth round, I grapple the thing and simply lift it straight up. The helicopter does the rest.

Once, in a game of BESM 2nd Ed, the BBEG suddenly grew to gargantuan proportions in preparation for the final throw-down at the end of the game. The GM knows that I and my fellow PCs are fully-leveled in several different areas and are an incredible force to be reckoned with at this point, but he's still really confident, for some reason, that he can totally take us with his giant, end-of-a-Power-Rangers-episode-sized bad guy. Well, I know I've got super-strength and can fly at supersonic speeds, so I just launch straight at the giant guy, flying right through one of his eyes and exploding out the back of his skull, scrambling up as much of his brain as possible during the trip - like about 80% of it with rapid energy blasts and whatnot. The bad guy drops, taking out lots of buildings, and for a minute we think that's it. Then the GM starts chuckling and describes how the BBEG's healing factor kicks in and his eye, skull, and brain all repair before he wakes up and stands up again. But then I kind of ruin the GM's day by explaining that, even if the brain grew back, the memories are gone. It's brand new brain, with nothing imprinted on it yet. With 80% new brain, this guy really shouldn't know who we are any more, or why he wants to kill us, or who he is, even. The GM could have argued, or just ruled against it without providing a reason, but instead he just said "Dang" and then laughed because we had just beaten the game's final boss and gained a new team member as strong as all of us combined. The world was protected from that day forward, I'm sure.

[RealWittyAlias]

This was 3.5, and it wasn't on this site, and it just happened yesterday.

I'm running a one-shot through email where the PCs are at a wedding trying to figure out who's trying to murder the bride and/or groom. Everybody's splitting up into groups of eight for quadrilles. Two PCs are in the ballroom right now, and the bride and groom's group still has room for two more people. BUT another guest -a gnome- is making a beeline for the group because he wants to dance with the bride and groom, because everybody wants to dance with the bride and groom, because who doesn't want to get at least one dance in with the bride and groom at a wedding? I figured the PCs would just try to run to the group faster than this gnome.

Instead, one of the PCs -Lady Cheryl, human monk- races towards the gnome and hip checks him. He goes flying through the air for four feet. So now she and her fellow investigator can just go grab the last two spots and get to bodyguarding, right? Nope. Lady Cheryl "helps the gnome up" and begins patting him down for weapons. Discretely, though.

The gnome doesn't have anything on him but a flask of vodka, and he's dizzy from landing in a heap on the ground, so he goes to sit down. Now there are still two spots left in the bride's group and I think the PCs might go take the spots without assaulting any more guests, but I can't say for sure.

[Drew]

AD&D 2nd Ed.

This is a case of "What I said" versus "What I thought I said" versus "What the GM heard", with maybe a little bit of Evil GM going on, too, though I'll never be certain.

In the course of the campaign, one of my fellow PCs (we'll call him Omar) came to be the ward of this weird little kid we found who had angel wings. No real info was given about him except that he was supposed to be very special, very important, meant for something very great. So Omar tried to take care of him as best as he could.

Anyway, much later, we're all walking through this place called the Dead Forest - just dead, leafless, very tall trees and long, gray grass as far as the eye can see. About dead-center of the forest, all these zombies start erupting from the ground on all sides. Another of my fellow PCs (we'll call him Anthony) had this uber, zombie-killing weapon, so Omar did what he felt was best and had the kid go stay near Anthony, who could protect the kid better in this instance, and Omar began climbing one of the trees to stay safe and in perfect condition should he need to return and protect the kid again.

"I climb one of the trees," were his exact words. No more, no less. The GM said okay and the battle began. Every round, when Omar's turn came around, the GM would ask, verbatim, "You still doin' what you're doin'?" and Omar would say "Yes."

Well, about seven rounds in, Anthony falls, having had one of the worst dice-rolling streaks I've ever seen, and the kid is now in grave danger. The GM describes this and Omar says, "Oh, no! I jump down." Gm asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes." "You're positive?" "Yes." "O-kay..."

Well, the GM had been assuming that Omar was continuing to climb every round that he checked on him, so by the time that Omar jumped out of the tree, he was, like, over a hundred feet in the air. So Omar breaks both legs upon landing and both he and the kid are eaten by the zombies. The rest of us flee and barely survive it all.

Omar was a very good sport about the whole thing and said that he would word things very carefully from that day onward.

[DarkisnotEvil]

My monk and the fighter were the advance scout for a small wooden fortress and we found one of the guards sleeping, so we decided to kill him quickly so the others could come behind us without risk of waking him and setting off alarms. The fighter got in a good hit, but then my monk rolled a crit and really high on his damage dice. The DM ruled that I decapitated the guard... with my quarterstaff.

That was great.
"What's wrong with you? You tore his head off!"
"I didn't mean to!"

One of my favorite moments from Kor's Quest was how the party got rid of Zhi.

He challenged Dynarra to a duel on the second floor of his fort after she revealed she was carrying his master's sword, and his first round he did some serious damage. Thinking that he had the upper hand, he suggested Dynarra surrender.
So she cast a Healing Word on herself and then dropped a Shatter on the floor underneath him, causing him to drop through the floor and take falling damage in addition to the Shatter. From that point forwards, his pride got the better of him and he decided to fight the entire party himself.

And then he got kicked down the stairs by Randal.
Twice.
I think about a quarter of the damage that killed him ended up being fall damage from being tossed around.
The party really had the high ground in that fight.

[Reian]

Not on this site, and this isn't that good, but I think it's what happened after that makes it funny. Spoilers for Lost Mine of Phandelver, I guess?

I was DMing for the first time, and my party consisted of my brother and father, who were both new as well. We ran Lost Mine of Phandelver. They both played two characters, my brother taking the pre-generated wizard and cleric. They were in Phandalin, and I gave them the plot hook for the Wyvern Tor sidequest. It's basically one fight against orcs and an ogre.

So they got to the cave where the orcs lived, and my brother was super excited about getting to use Shocking Grasp for his wizard (Vitruvius by name), because he'd just learned it recently. I decided to give him a chance to make good use of it, so I changed one of the orcs to be wearing chainmail instead of leather. I tell them this, and they begin the battle. No real problems, but everyone focused on leaving the chainmail orc alone for some reason.

Eventually, it reached Vitruvius' turn, and Chainmail Orc was the only one left. Brother smiles, and casts . . .

Magic Missile.
He later told me he felt like he hadn't been able to use his wizard right. Er . . .

[RealWittyAlias]

Oh, I actually have one from 5e this time! I was running a session for my little brother (Sasier, dragonborn barbarian) and sister (Ashley, half-elf barbarian). They'd been hired by a wizard named Robert to get his wand back from a vile wand-stealing wizard named Kelzar. They'd been hiking towards Kelzar's mountain to find his fortress, but after a couple days they came across a canyon that threatened to halt their progress. After a short bit of confusion in which my little sister said she wanted to climb over the canyon -apparently she'd thought I was talking about a five hundred foot wide cannon- they spotted a blurry line a few hours' hike away that looked kinda like a bridge. They decided to head towards it.

Me: Night has fallen by the time you make it to the blurry line, which is indeed a bridge.

Brother and Sister (after rolling below average Perception checks and not seeing anything suspicious): Okay, we try to cross the bridge.

Me: As you approach the bridge, you hear scuttling sounds from underneath it.

Brother: Dang it.

Sister: I thought there would be a troll.

Me: A hairy leg snakes its way over the edge of the canyon. It's soon followed by many more legs. A ten-foot tall creature with the body of a spider and the torso of a man climbs up and stands in front of the bridge, like it's guarding it.

Brother: Ew! There's a man growing out of the spider???

Me: What? No, it's... it's, you know, like a centaur. But with a hairy spider butt instead of a hairy horse butt.

Brother: Oh. That makes way more sense.

Me: Yeah. Anyways, the spider thing says...

Drider: Trying to cross my bridge, eh? Well you'll have to pay the toll.

Ashley: What's the toll?

Drider: 10 gold, or your first born child.

Sister: I give him the gold.

Brother: I'm not actually planning on having kids, so...

Sasier: Okay, you can have my first kid. Do I have to bring it to you after I have it, or what?

Drider: Oh, no, no need for that. I'll send one of my emissaries to retrieve it.

Sasier: Emissaries? Like more spider guys?

Drider: No, I have a few demons in my employ. And they will find you and your baby, so don't think about trying to pull a fast one. It's not like I'm going to eat your babies or anything, anyways. I just, you know-

Sasier: Hey, I get it, I get it. Everybody wants to start a family, right? And it must be hard for a big ugly spider thing to find a wife.

Drider: Did you just call me ugly?

Sasier: Uh...

Drider: The price just went up, bucko. Fifty gold or your first two children, or you aren't getting across this bridge.

Ashley: Aw, do I have to pay extra too?

Drider: Only the rude little man has to pay extra. You can go ahead and cross.

Ashley: Sweet.

Sasier: I don't have fifty gold!

Drider: Two children it is.

Sasier: Wait! What if instead of the kids, I give you really good dating advice so you can meet somebody and have your own kids?

Me: Okay, Roll a Persuasion check.

Brother: (rolls an 18)

Drider: I'm listening. But it had better be some pretty darn good advice.

Sasier: Okay, here it is. My advice is... just be yourself. You can try to hide your bridge-dwelling, baby-stealing ways, but if you do that then the only woman who's going to like you is gonna be completely wrong for you anyways. If you put yourself out there and be completely honest, maybe someday you'll find a scary lady-spider who also likes stealing babies, and the two of you can get together.

Me: Seriously? That's your advice? "Be yourself"?

Brother: Can I at least roll to see if I can make it sound good?

Me: Fine, but it's gonna have to be a really high roll.

Brother: (rolls) I got a twenty. Plus my Persuasion bonus.

Drider: That... that's the best advice I've ever heard! I'm gonna go to the match-makers first thing tomorrow, and this time I'm going to tell her my actual hobbies instead of just saying I like walking on the beach and stuff.

So Ashley and Sasier got to cross the bridge and continue their quest. And they all lived happily ever after until the next day, when they had to figure out a way to get past a giant talking ram and sneak into Kelzar's hidden fortress. But that's a way longer story that I am not typing up right now.

[RealWittyAlias]

Another one from the game I was running for my brother and sister. They snuck into Kelzar's fortress, only to find out it had been taken over by another necromancer, Bobzar. Ashley (little sister's PC) distracted Bobzar by pretending to be a writer for Evil Lairs Magazine. While he was giving her a tour of his fortress and answering "interview" questions, Sasier (little brother's PC) was trying to locate the stolen magical staff they'd been hired to retrieve.

Me: As you creep doen the hallway behind the throne room, you spot a door marked Staff Room.

Brother: That was easier than I thought it would be. I open the door.

Me: You see a small break room. Two skeletons are standing around a coffee pot, chatting, but they stop their conversation when you enter.

Skelly 1: What are you doing here? This is the Staff Room. Staff only.

Sasier: I... uh... I am staff. This is my first day.

Skelly 2: (after an abysmal Sense Motive roll) Oh! Great! Follow me and we'll get your orientation out of the way.

Skelly 2: (leading Sasier down a different hallway) You know, you seem more cheerful than most new employees.

Sasier: What can I say? I've always dreamed of working for the mighty Bobzar.

Skelly: I love that attitude of yours! It'll make things so much easier.

Me: The skeleton leads you into a large room containing a bubbling pit of acid.

Skelly: Alright, hop on in whenever you're ready.

Sasier: Hop into... the acid?

Skelly: Yep. Don't worry, I'll fish your bones out before they dissolve. Then Bobzar can reanimate you and we can start your training.

MEANWHILE, On Ashley's tour of the fortress...
Ashley: So, you're a powerful necromancer. You must have lots of magic stuff. Can I see? For the article? (rolls decent Diplomacy roll)

Bobzar: Of course, of course. Let me show you.... my MAGICAL STAFF ROOM. (Not to be confused with my normal Staff Room, where my undead minions go for their coffee breaks.)

Me: Bobzar throws open the door to a room absolutely filled with staffs. They line the walls, hang from the ceiling, and sparkle magically in trophy cases.

Sister: Oh. Um. What did Robert say his staff looked like?

Me: He didn't. You and Sasier ran off as soon as he'd given you directions to the fortress, before he got a chance to describe the staff.

Sister: Dang it.

Ashley: Just curious: did you steal any of these staffs recently?

Bobzar: I didn't steal any. They were all here when I defeated Kelzar and took over his fortress a few days ago. Well, technically I guess that means I stole all of them. But he stole them first.

Ashley: Well... have you ever met a wizard named Robert? He's tall, has brown hair, likes to sit in shady pub corners with his hood up...?

Bobzar: Ugh. I went to wizard school with that nerd. Worst. Roommate. Ever. Why do you ask?

Ashley: I just wondered if you had his staff.

Bobzar: Yeah. It's the blue sparkly one over there.

Ashley: Can I hold it?

Bobzar: Why?

Ashley: Okay. The truth is, I'm not from a magazine. Robert hired me and my friend to go get his staff back from Kelzar. Since Kelzar is gone and you have a bunch of staffs already, can I just have Robert's?

Brother: Are you serious??????

Me: Roll diplomacy, (Sister).

Sister: (rolls horribly)

Sister: Noooooooooo!

Brother: Why????

MEANWHILE, back by the pit of acid...
Sasier: Okay. I'm going to jump. (walks to the edge of the pit) Oh, can you come take my sword first? Don't want it to dissolve. (rolls pretty average Bluff)

Skelly: (rolls awful Sense Motive) Sure thing, buddy.

The skeleton approaches Sasier. Sasier grabs him and chucks him into the acid pit, then runs off to look for the staff some more.

Me: Sasier, you come across a door labeled Magical Staff Room. It's open a crack. Ashley and Bobzar are talking inside.

Bobzar: YOU'RE WORKING FOR ROBERT???? Get out of my fortress!

Brother: I run inside and punch Bobzar in the face.

Sister: I grab the staff.

A quick scuffle ensues. In the end, Bobzar is left tied up and locked in his own Magical Staff Room while Sasier and Ashley run out of the fortress. Things should have been easy from there, but Sasier didn't trust Ashley to carry the staff so he tried to snatch it from her. Another quick scuffle ensued. Ashley ended up carrying both the staff and a badly injured Sasier back to town. They returned the staff and got paid and everybody was happy. Except Bobzar. And the skeleton that got dissolved. Also Sasier was still a little grumpy after getting beat up. But other than that, everybody was happy. The end.

[sarynkitamo]

On Roll20 I play a Human Druid with the Mobile Feat. I was adding the +10 speed modifiers to my animal sheets mid-session while the DM was doing some character development stuff for other players. While updating Octopus, I realized that it's speed goes from 5ft to 15ft... So I sort of whisper to myself in my character's voice "I am the fastest octopus.". Mic was not muted. DM was temporarily broken.

I think in the same session another character got her drunk (up until that point she only drank juice at the inns) and to sober her up they stuck her in a bath. The Dad!Friend of the group brought her up some tea after her bath. I mimed grabbing the mug with both hands. DM had me throw a dex save to catch the towel, and the Dad!Friend to throw a wisdom save to look away. Both failed. Dad!Friend tucked the druid into bed and went to have a cold shower.

[RealWittyAlias]

My younger sisters and I have had a lot of interesting moments while playing D&D, but I think the best one so far has been when we did a hostage negotiation with a bunch of man-eating selkies. I stole their leader's sealskin and my youngest sister tempted them with Cheese Curls and funnel cakes. Eventually we got them to release the people they'd captured and never try to eat anybody again; in exchange I gave the leader her skin back and the owner of the beach's snack shack promised them free junk food for life.

[RealWittyAlias]

Today my littlest sister wanted me to run a solo session for her. I didn't have anything prepared and was too tired to wing it, so I decided to let her sort of play-test a one-shot I'm writing on where the player(s) are trying to clear out a castle that's been taken over by food. I read her the little introduction speech and then set the scene for her. The castle is in front of her, behind a moat of bouillabaise. She decides to float across on a chunk of potato. Smart. Then a mussel attacks her, and...

She throws a chunk of potato at it. Soft, boiled, herby potato. It doesn't work so well.

She manages to escape the mussel and make it to the other side of the moat. She decides to explore the gardens out back before she goes inside. At one point she's escaped by a plant. I'm not gonna say which plant because I might run the mission on here some time and don't want to give out too many spoilers. Anyways, the plant is attacking her, and...

She whacks it with her back pack.

At this point she was really low on health and panicking, and I couldn't figure out why she was making such dumb decisions. I asked her why she didn't use one of her actual weapons. Her response? "Oh, right. I forgot I had those."

Yep. That's why she was assaulting food with more food and accessories. She'd forgotten that her esteemed adventurer was carrying weapons. After we had a good laugh she drew her scimitar and hacked up the violent vegetation and healed herself up, and all was well. But I'm going to start encouraging her to look over her sheet before she takes any moves in combat anymore, at least until she has a better feel for her character and what she can do.

[Xubrai]

WARNING! LONG READ AHEAD!
(Pardon the poor formatting, this was copied from Facebook Messenger. I apologize for any typos or bad grammar that occur, I cleaned it up as best I could and I hope you enjoy the read).

Edit: I forgot to apologize for how cringy some of the dialogue is going to be since I was trying super hard to be a dick during the conversation.

I haven't been in that many games on TTW, and a lot of people that are likely to remember things that have occurred in those games.

Instead, I feel like sharing a conversation that I had with a IRL DM in a Pathfinder (I mean... 5e) game that I participated in a couple of years ago. This conversation was not only a turning point for the character, but also a turning point in my career as a roleplayer. Up until this point, most of my characters were dark, brooding edgelords who only cared for themselves. This exchange helped me learn that there are character types that can be just as fun to play.

For some context to the situation, the character, Zaniah Gavriel (known only as Crow at the time) was a level 3 monk/warrior that I purposefully made blind. A quick recap of his backstory had him as the second son of a paladin captain that was obsessed with training his two sons as his successors. At a point in his teen years, my character stumbled upon his brother attempting to summon a demon one night. Before Zaniah could stop him, the demon appeared, killed his brother and clawed out Zaniah's eyes before vanishing. He was found by his father and banished from the city, blamed for his brother's death.

When the campaign started, he had returned to the city to exact vengeance on his father for abandoning him to the world. When he returned, his father had gone senile and didn't remember him. Deciding that his vengeance would only be satiated by killing the current leader of the paladins, he sought an audience with the current captain. During this meeting, it was revealed to him that his brother was still alive, being kept in the basement. After a very awkward family reunion, since his brother was part demon now, the "thing" broke free and assaulted the town by opening a portal to some demon realm. The following happened after the party managed to stop the demon incursion...

Begin Scene:
[You find yourself within a dimly lit stone walled room, with a small torchlight flickering from the barred doorway. The mutterings of several guardsmen can be heard down the corridor from the doorway, as several footsteps near. With a clank, two paladins bearing the marks of the Holy Word enter. One holds ink, quill, and parchment that he promptly lays out across the table you are seated before, the other speaking clearly and dignified.]
[The dignified paladin coughs before speaking.] "For the record, please state your name". [The scribe places the quill to parchment, awaiting a response].

[Crow instinctively spits.] "And who are you that I should give it?"

[The scribe wipes away the spit from his parchment, as the other paladin continues] "We are the guards in charge of the investigation into the creature that appeared within the city walls. After numerous interviews, you have been identified as one of those involved in the conflict, on the side of protecting the city."

[Crow sits up.] "Have I now? Well... it's been awhile since anyone identified me anything other than an 'easy target'." [He raises his hand in greeting.] "Crow."

[The scribe scribbles down the name near a likeness that was previously there.] "Thank you. Understand now that you are not in trouble, nor do you have anything to fear from us, lord Gavriel. Quite the opposite. But we require your statement before proceedings can continue. Please, from the time you neared the estate, please elaborate what occurred."

[Crow's face turns slightly at this.] "Lord Gavriel?" You must have me confused for someone else... in any event, I suppose I might as well recount what took place at the estate. You'll have to forgive me though, [points to his eyes, or lack thereof] my recollection may be a bit skewed."

[You hear the scribe putting you words to parchment] "We...are aware of your background sir. Please continue. We only seek to illuminate the events. Should you prefer a different title, we can address you as such."

[Crow continues "looking" somewhat annoyed by paladin.] And who, pray tell, made you aware of my background? Look at me! [He grabs his clothes and pulls them slightly in the direction of the voice.] "Do I look like a lord to you?"

[The guard stands stern, his voice solidifying] "Your father, my lord. In one of his moments of clarity, he wrote to us, letting us know you had returned, and with it, his will was attached. It will be awaiting you, once we have completed our investigation."

"By the gods, I should have ended him when I had the chance. Even in his current state, he continues to muck with my affairs." "Fine, if you address me as such, then before we discuss the events of the day, I wish to know how my... {cough} comrades... are faring."

[The paladin before you eases, his voice softening] "Your..companions are fine. They are giving their statements as we speak, to ensure we have the full picture. You are all to be treated as heroes, should the Mayor have his way, and deservedly so, my lord. Though I must ask that you not threaten our former knight commander. It would sour the public opinions of your...."group". We are inquisitors, and simply seek to reward the truth."

"If you are truly aware of my history, sir, then you would be quite aware of why I address him so." "Now, to get a couple of things out of the way." [Crow shifts his weight.] "First, I find it irritating that members of your order, inquisitors no less, are willing to address someone such as me, with no faith or interest in their god, a "lord"?" "Second, as my friends will attest, I am the cause of... whatever it is that befell this city. Why would the mayor seek to reward something like that?"

[The scribe, a surprised look upon his face, continues to write, his quill scratching across the parchment's surface.] "Allow me to inform you as to the whys and whos. You were born to the paladin order, under our former Knight Commander Gavriel. That tie, empowered by his last will and testament, names you his successor, and holder of the estate. It is his will, in his clarity, that you improve the Estate standard, but are otherwise free to continue your endeavors. A large sum will be granted, the last holdings of your fathers within the city. Now to your second inquiry. The Mayor wishes, based on your description of the events, still pending, to reward you in the public eye, and to allow your family name a restoration of honor."

"As... peculiar as his wishes are, the name 'Gavriel' deserves to rot in the gutter along with the man that gave it to me. Thus, we shall discuss the events at the estate, and then we'll see whether or not I'm interested in his last attempt at repentance."

[The paladin nods, taking note to continue the deed and will for another time.] "As you wish. Now, please, describe the events in detail, from the time you neared the estate of our Knight Commander Garrus."

"My apologies for stalling, but what did happen to Garus? Last I heard, he'd fallen during the attack."

[The paladin's voice seems hesitant, surprised by your question.] "Lord Garrus sits within a healing tomb, as our clergyman do their best to bring him from the brink. We believe he will be unable to return to his station for some time, and an adjunct will be chosen."

[Crow smirks.] "The lucky bastard..." "Well... I'm afraid there's not much to tell, and what there is to tell won't be sugar-coated. If you know my history, you can understand why I would have come back to town to kill... my father. When I found him in his current state, I couldn't bring myself to do it, due to obvious feelings of having my revenge taken from me. With nothing else to do, I decided to mark Garrus as my new target and use my name to gain access to his estate. Upon entry, I was taken to... "see"... him and, instead of having the bloody encounter I was anticipating, I found my brother chained up in his study. Rather, what was left of my brother. After a long discussion, and a very difficult session of rage suppression, I attacked the thing he had captive in that room. What happened after I plunged the knife provided by Garrus into that monster's side, I have no idea. I awoke to the situation you're already aware of, and defended myself and my acquaintances accordingly."

[The scribe continues to write, his mouth agape, as the paladin beside him inquires] "You were plotting to defeat our Knight Commander? Hmmm.... be that as it may, I have strict orders to pardon any wrong doings of yourself or your father. I...understand your feelings, and the remembrance of revenge, though the word that your brother remained within the estate, in an apparent "infected" state, is worrisome and concerning. We shall further investigate this, but I believe we have what we require regarding the battle." [The paladin slides a letter across the table] "This...is his last will. I recommend to have someone you trust to read it aloud. Your presence is requested humbly at the celebration of you and your companions saving the city, at which time you are to be named the title Protectorate of Meleaus. Will you be in attendance?"

"Yes, it was somewhat disturbing that Garus had kept the thing in his home for so long, but who was I to question it when he delivered my brother to me? ... As far as the letter goes, if it must be read, than be on with it. I clearly have no desire to hear his words, so what does it matter who reads it?"

[The paladin retrieves the letter, clearing his throat before reading aloud] "In this, the 223rd year of our Lord Ux, I, Elian Gavriel the Second, in my short time of clarity, do write this final will and testament of heir in which my known title and belongings shall pass to the following: 1) The estate shall remain within the name Gavriel, so long as my son, the youngest Gavriel, only recently returned that I recall, will have it. In addition, he shall be awarded one sixth share of my remaining city holdings, in the amount of 3,000 gold pieces, to be used in small part to restore the estate, with the remaining 1500 gold pieces to be used at his discretion. 2) To the others who visited my estate, as described in the attached letter herein[which goes on to describe the party members], you are to be awarded the remaining portions of equaling 1500 gold piece value, to be used as deemed fit, with the smallest member being requested that she purchase some more wine. 3) To the Paladin Order of the Holy Word, I do leave my final armaments and armor, as they had protected me for so long, so shall they protect their next owner. If my youngest heir shall rejoin the ranks of the order, and I have no mind to force the point, he may do so at the rank of officer, and be awarded my sword. Should he not, the items are to be donated to the Order, so that they may continue to serve. 4) For the last, and final piece, I leave a painting to my son, depicting the last time that our family was together. I know that his sight shall not return, and that my own blindness to my son remains the cause, but perhaps this painting could remain upon the estate property, to show that all was not always as it is now. Signed, Elian Gavriel, Twelfth Knight Commander of the Holy Word, in the city of Meleaus."

[After the paladin finishes speaking, Crow remains motionless for several moments, aside from alternating between gritting his teeth and grinning.]

[The scribe completes his details, before sliding the parchment to you, moving your hand toward the signature line] "We simply require your signature, and all will be complete."

[Crow calms down momentarily.] "The will, or my testimony?"

"That, my lord, is entirely up to you."

[Crow grins again.] "For ten years, I have cursed him and his order. Ten years, I imagined parading into his courtyard and slaying him for what he did to me. I supposed there's a certain level of irony involved in this particular homecoming that has taken place, but where in his drunken, shattered mind, goes he have the gall to dream that I would rejoin 'the ranks', or still have the faith required to do so?"

"Ours is not to elaborate, my lord. Your father has written his design, and it did include a distinct lack of belief of your rejoining. The option remains open, should you find your path. Until that time, the sword remains within the order."

[Crow laughs at this statement.] "My path is wrapped in eternal darkness, no matter how much of his accursed light he attempts to shine on me. The money and place to live are welcome changes to my current state of affairs, however, your order can keep his trinkets, and the mayor can keep his title. Pending a visit from Ux himself, my ability to consider your organization anything other than a blight is quite solidified. I am the very embodiment of the 'good' the order is capable of, and I will not have a hand in it."

[The paladin stiffens slightly] "The order has changed greatly over the last ten years my lord, and the old destructive ways were abolished. Garrus was the last of that line, and we seek an adjunct to one day replace him. The mayor has arranged for your title to remain, even should you choose not to invoke it. But know that the title is detached from our Order, and is not optional within the city. You've simply been seen during the battle by too many. Should you leave the title behind, the common people of Meleaus will still speak your name, I am afraid."

[Crow continues smirking.] "Garrus spoke too of your orders restructuring, but at this juncture, I have neither the will nor the means to 'see' your organization in any other light. And speaking of the order, how is it that you can abide someone who views you in such a manner? Why should I trust that the document you want me to sign isn't an admittance of guilt and a swift walk to the gallows? Why, after all that I have said, do you continue to address me in such a manner?"

[The paladin stands, preparing to leave] "That is simple, young man. We honor our Code. And we honor our past. As to your sight, there may be ways, but that will take time. We have others in our order with a similar affliction. As to your accusations of falsehoods, I cannot abide by them, and can only assure you of our intentions."

((I would like to pause this retelling to draw attention to what was going on with me as the player at the time. Up until this point in the campaign, I was completely focused on playing this brooding, dark anti-hero and was hellbent on pissing this inquisitor off. I wanted him to stop referring to Crow as "Lord Gavriel". In my eyes, Zaniah had had his pride and honor as a paladin-to-be shattered when his father disowned him, and no member of his order deserved any sort of respect. When my DM delivered that line... 'We honor our Code. And we honor our past.', I realized that I had to make a choice. Zaniah would only be able to reattain his honor in full if he showed respect to this man. To continue disrespecting him in order to stick it to his father would make him a massive hypocrite and unworthy of the honor he sought. So... I made my choice.))

[Crow's tone softens and he sits up straight.] "Give the testimony here, and I will sign it... Leave the will here, and I will dwell on it. I doubt that the rest of 'them' will let me skip out on the festivities, so I will be in attendance. Do not think that your honor means nothing to me, Inquisitor, but the Code you uphold is the same that my father quoted to me the day before this [points again to his face] happened, and ten years is a long time to stew in the dark."

[The scribe hands over the will patents, and the testimony to sign] "I assure, lord, that we agree on that fact truly."

[You are handed the details of the festivities and the scribe speaks over them in turn]

[Crow signs the testimony to the best of his ability, and listens somewhat intently to the scribe as he turns the will over and over in his hands.]

"Now, I believe everything is in order, and you only have to return here to complete the will, should you desire. Do you require anything else, my lord?"

"All that I require now is time to make sense of it all, and a chance to relocate my path, since it has gone in a direction I didn't think possible."

[The paladin nods, his voice stern] "As you wish, you shall be provided a guide to return to the estate or wherever you choose. Good day."
[End Scene]

[RealWittyAlias]

We accidentally started a cult in Altar of the Sleepless once. We had infiltrated a city overrun by a goblin army, and we needed somebody to distract a group of looters while we rescued some of the surviving townsfolk. So the Astral Deva flew out into the open, pretended to be a goddess of war who was pleased with the goblins' bravery, and rained gold upon them. My halfling sorcerer hid in the background and used Ghost Sound to make it sound like an invisible choir of goblin angels was singing in the background. The distraction worked, the townsfolk were rescued, we went off to do more adventuring, etc.

Anyways, about a week or so later (in game time, not real life) we pass by the town again and find out there's been a schism in the goblin army. Turns out half the goblins started a cult dedicated to our astral "War Goddess". The other goblins didn't appreciate the cult's formation and, apparently, chaos and infighting ensued.