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Thread: Simon's Fiction

  1. #1
    SimonBread Guest Spider. Just visiting.

    Default Simon's Fiction

    I've decided to post some of my very first short stories and poems. Keep in mind that I am only 18, and have not been writing for more than two years now.

    The Cyclopean ruins stood vile and blasphemous, on an little island of cursed towers and long-abandoned structures of stone. Strange monuments dedicated to forgotten Gods of eldritch might surrounded the island, poking themselves loathesomely just above the surface of the Pacific Ocean. Greenish ooze of indiscriminate origin bubbled profusely along the crumbling, moss-ridden walls. Several humanoid figures, gangily limbed and suffering from hunched postures, loped back and forth, dashing, leaping and slipping on a wet walkway of black stone, possibly obsidian. An obese creature, decked in slime and filth, presided above the moving figures seated in a throne comprised of deformed skulls, which happened to be on an old balcony jutting from a lopsided tower. The giant monster emitted a foul, noxious odor reminiscent of a dozen carcasses left in the sun to decay for several weeks. The obese monster smiled a terrible smile, revealing a maw filled with rows of disorganized razor-sharp teeth of a brilliantly disturbing ivory. Saliva dripped ominously from its repulsively disgusting mouth. Bellowing with a deep, maniacal quality, spittle spewing hazardously in all directions, he enjoyed the resulting spectacle before him. Incessantly morbid laughter reverberated, creating echoes throughout the ruins. Howls and inhuman yelps replied back in gusto. The hellish sounds and maddeningly incomprehensible voices were the very definitions of the bizarre and monstrous. Drums, beating to an unmentionable tune of surreal bestial ferocity, started up, an omen of the inevitable arrival of forbidden deities with titles lost to the obscure passage of time. Beasts of little intelligence cater and act as violent thugs in the eternal service of Gods of profound malignance and unimaginable cruelty. A requiem of wanton destruction, slaughter and utter chaos were the accomplices of these dreaded and abominable deities.

    Still adding.

  2. #2
    Mikey Guest Spider. Just visiting.

    Default re

    18? Very nice, you seem to be well read. Why do you write? Is it to share, or to express yourself, or to try to push your imagination? When you write do you draw an image in your mind or do you use actual pics or drawings?
    I see you like to focus on setting imagery, is that for mood or tone?

    Either way it is very well thought out. I am like you I prefer to hit the reader with enough info to get them emotionaly into the read then I get out quick. The only issue I see with the direction you are going in is the pace. If you set the pace as a methodical break down of sight, smell, texture, and subtlety (Very Stephen King like) you might lose the reader's intrest, or at least readers with short attention spans.

    I want to read more. I like it, I like it.


  3. #3
    SimonBread Guest Spider. Just visiting.


    Thank you.

    But please don't compare me to Stephen King. :-/

  4. #4
    Mikey Guest Spider. Just visiting.

    Default re

    Not a big King fan? Neither am I. I have a hard time reading fantasy though, I like my mental imagery better then most authors. I grew up reading Tolkein so that is how I view fantasy. When I read the "Sword of Shinar" or what ever I couldn't get past the first chapter after it described a troll as being short and squat.... I just couldn't do it!

    However, my favorite reads are technothrillers, Tom Clancey and Larry Bond. I don't kinow squat about military, so if they say a tank can do x,y,z well I believe em.


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